What I Weigh

By Laura Spiegel / Originally written in August 2018

Have you heard about the “I Weigh” movement?  It’s something new on Instagram that allows people to showcase how they are so much more than their bodies.  Celebrities and regular people alike are rapidly joining the movement to spread the message of self-worth, positivity, and inner strength. 

As a thirty-eight-year-old mom living in suburban Indiana, I’m kind of digging this more inclusive form of self-definition. 

Once upon a time, I defined myself by my work.  This used to be easy to do, back when I was clacking my way up the corporate ladder.  But now that my days are split between volunteering as a healthcare advocate and hissing at my misbehaving kids in public, this definition is somewhat less glamorous.

These days, I tend to define myself by motherhood.  The carpools, the dinner prep, the reassurance that no Goosebumps creatures are lurking underneath the bed.  I’m also the mom-ager of my five-year-old daughter’s cystic fibrosis.  She is rapidly learning to do much of her self-care herself, but these days, I’m still uber-involved.  I’m constantly scoping out the vicinity for signs of an infectious cough.  I dole out enzymes and marvel at how she can swallow the entire fistful in one gulp.  And for a few hours a day, I negotiate my way through vest sessions. 

Remember the days before the “pause” button on the machine was discovered?  Yeah.  Me neither.  A thirty-minute session can stretch to well over an hour when peppered with requests for everything from water to a giant purple and green elephant named Meemo.  The former is reasonable; the latter is somewhat more challenging to procure on demand.

But the “I Weigh” movement reminds me that I am so much more than a mom, a caregiver, or the product of my work.  So, in the spirit of embracing myself for all that I am, here is what I weigh:

·         I have a loving and resilient partner

·         I have a smart, strong, brave, and kind little boy

·         I have a smart, strong, brave, and kind little girl

·         I fight for what I believe in

·         I am present

·         I have fiercely funny friends

·         I am a storyteller and singer of lullabies

·         I have written a book

·         I like my coffee hot and my wine cold

·         I worry a smidge less than I used to

·         I love and am loved

·         I am doing my best

In the same vein, my daughter is not defined by her CF.  It is an important part of who she is, but it alone does not define her.  Here is what my daughter weighs:

·         A heart of gold

·         A gap-smiled giggle

·         A love for ladybugs named Eddie and fireflies named Lulu

·         A fierce independence

·         A sprint across the soccer field

·         Lots of sweet, sweet friends

·         A big girl swimmer

·         A memory like a steel trap

·         A flower-smeller and garden-picker

·         The best Snugga-Bugga hug in the world

·         A bravery beyond her years

·         She loves and is loved

Here’s to everyone out there on a similar journey.  Grab a cup of hot brew or a glass of ice-cold wine and toast yourself.  You are so much more than a body.  You are strong.  You are doing your best.  And you matter more than you know.

Cheers.