Reel Talk
BY GUEST BLOGGER, LARA GOVENDO (originally published at cflf.org)
It’s easy to fall victim to the comparison trap. We live in an age where digital interaction is more common than face to face. It’s an unfortunate truth that we hold the pretty, unadulterated parts of people’s lives that are portrayed on social media in such high esteem, completely negating the lack of human relatability factor or rather the necessity for it.
Highlight reels become the gauge for our behind-the-scenes actuality. Comparing ourselves to half-truths filled with unrealistic expectations filling us with a void we don’t know how to fill, but feel the need to fill it nonetheless.
This has become our reality.
For those with chronic illness, this is magnified times a million. Our bodies look different because of the hell we’ve lived through. Typical age activities are limited for the sake of protecting our well-being first. Meeting societal norms aren’t always in the cards. And a vast majority of the population is unable to work due to the state of their health.
Currently, I’m in this holding center. My health complications the past few months have prevented me from moving forward. To finish writing my book is impossible with a 10/10 headache every single day. Erratic hospitalizations put a stop to my adventurous style. And traveling with an oxygen tank is more work than it’s worth so home is where my comfort is. Holding a traditional job isn’t realistic when my organs are unhappy and need medical attention without a moment’s notice – which doesn’t equate to being reliable, especially as a mental health counselor.
What do you do when the world is in constant motion and you’re stuck at a standstill?
Here are a few tips that I’ve gathered through trial and error…
Fill your mind with positivity: this sounds cliché, but it’s something I have intentionally implemented every day since 2020 began. Before opening my eyes, whispering aloud at least five things I’m grateful for. Immediately listening to a podcast that inspires, encourages, or motivates me; preventing my mind from wandering to the guilt of the inability to be productive, shame for not working like the rest of the world, and focusing on my constant pain & nausea.
Move your body: force yourself to go for a walk, hop on the stationary bike, do some squats… something. Anything is better than nothing. Use what you have, do what you can. Just do something to keep your body as strong as possible.
Structure: humans thrive on routine. Of course ours gets interrupted frequently beyond our control, but plan your day according to what you can do. Set small goals. Have a check list. Accomplish what you can, and give yourself grace for what you can’t.
Vision: find something to look forward to. Make a plan with a friend to go on an adventure, FaceTime, or whatever makes you happy. Take small steps towards your purpose. Any progress is still progress. Having something that gets you out of bed in the morning is enough to get you started, even if you’re just excited for scrambled eggs & avocado (talking to myself here, some days it works!)
Seasons of life: whatever season you are currently in, find the purpose in it. If you’re feeling great, take advantage of it and go do all the things, run after your passion, and crush your goals! If you’re not feeling so great, challenge yourself to ask what this season can teach you. For me, this season of uncertainty and when I’m forced to take life at a slower pace, I’m learning how to listen to my body and what it needs. Allowing myself to rest without feelings of guilt or shame. Knowing that this season is temporary, using the time to create for when I can do more. Making an action plan for when I can accomplish my bigger goals. And reveling in the quiet, often alone time because I know it won’t last forever. There’s always something you can gain from every season if you’re willing to open your eyes, ears, and heart to listen.
People: isolation is one of the biggest problematic areas of chronic illness. This is detrimental to mental health and overall well-being. Humans are built for relationship. Surrounding ourselves with people isn’t always a possibility given the often fragile state of our health, but there are always other options. Those who are able to hang out with you in any season that you are in are essential and truly gifts that add incredible value to our lives. Finding true friends that will show up in the midst of the chaotic roller coaster of our existence are rare treasures. I know they exist because I’m blessed to have amazing people that see me at my house, hospital room, or Facetime. Get around people that will add to your life, not suck the life out of you. Be very selective who you spend your precious breath on.
You: be unapologetically yourself, in your most authentic nature. People relate to real, not the plastic, made up version you’ve created to be accepted. The true people in your life will see your worth because of who you are as a person, not because of your production level. And you will be loved as such.
Most importantly, you must know that you are never alone. If wherever you are at feels overwhelming, know that others are in that place too. Everyone in the world is dealing with something difficult, and our struggles are often invisible… There is this underlying connection that exemplifies beauty when we allow all the parts of ourselves to be fully seen.
I dream of a world where we connect with everyone – on a human level about values, passions, and who we are as people. Not based on our accomplishments, production level, or societal measures of worthiness. With education and communication there is hope for true connection. Always.