Tips for Connecting with Your Child’s Provider

By Paint Her in Color Founder, Laura Spiegel — with Special Guest, Darla Cohen

Darla Cohen remembers the twenty-eight days that her daughter Sarah spent in the pediatric intensive care unit like they were yesterday. Born with persistent pulmonary hypertension, Sarah’s lungs processed oxygen like she was under water. For the first fourteen days after she was born, Darla didn’t leave her side. It wasn’t until her own mother gently reminded her of her other children at home that Darla set foot out of the hospital.

On a beautiful spring day, Darla’s daughter Sarah grew strong enough to leave with her. To this day, Darla associates the sight of daffodils with hospitals, heartache, and hope. And she calls upon her own personal experience as she partners with families at Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis.

As a Project Manager for Patient and Family Experience, Darla’s job is to help ensure that physicians, nurses, and the rest of the care team are embracing patient and family-centered care. This means putting families first and treating patients as people first. Good patient and family-centered care also involves close collaboration between care teams and families. Questions are encouraged; soft skills are essential; and families are at the center of the team.

I sat down with Darla earlier this month to understand how families can get the most out of patient and family centered care. One of Darla’s biggest tips is to find the provider that we as parents connect with most. Often times, the “right provider” is defined by knowledge and experience with a particular healthcare condition. Insurance or Medicaid coverage are also important. But when two or more providers check those boxes, it can be helpful to consider the provider with whom we think we might have the most productive relationship.

We all have different needs. We all like to communicate in different ways. The important thing is to find a provider who can meet us where we are and partner with us to deliver the best care possible for our children.

Here are some questions that Darla encourages us to ask ourselves when evaluating whether or not a provider is right for us.

Do I trust the provider?
Do I feel comfortable asking the provider questions?
Do I feel comfortable sharing my needs and concerns with the provider?
Does the provider allow time for questions, or does he “listen with his answer running?”
Does the provider prioritize my questions or demote them until the end of our time together?
How accessible is the provider to my questions and concerns? Can I communicate via cell phone or a secure portal outside of business hours?
Does the provider trust my intuition? Are my hunches valued and treated with respect?
How does the provider respond when I ask for clarification or respectfully push back?
Does the provider communicate in ways that I understand? Does she use family-friendly language? Does she provide visual aids, handouts, or places to go for clarification?
How does the provider interact with my child? Does he look my child in the eye, address him by name, and ask about his interests?
Does the provider treat my child as a person first, and then a patient?
Does the provider ask how I’m doing and what support I need?
How does the provider respond when I share credible medical research to support my questions or guide our conversations?
How well does the provider communicate with my child’s primary care doctor and other specialists? Does she share readily information with the rest of my child’s care team?

If any of the above questions raise red flags, Darla encourages us to offer our provider feedback or to seek a different provider. Many providers will schedule a face-to-face visit with families upon request. This is a great opportunity to ask about a provider’s approach to care and to share the things that are most important to us.